Girl, why are you always daydreaming?

Maybe it’s because I want to astral project
Myself into space to not be here
Because when I’m here I hurt.
If I go deep enough into my own head
Maybe I will finally fall out and escape
The church bells ringing in the desert
When I was too coward to answer the call.
My skin crawled at the thought of being
Dragged along and left alone
But I answered a call from a safe zone
And I’m mostly alone except for a trail I can pick up.
It’s funny how the life you avoided
Is the life you ultimately lead.
That’s irony, right?

Like how it’s ironic that I used to joke about how I could fight a man
But when his hands were around my throat I cried.
It’s ironic like my feminist male friends
Who suddenly change the subject when rape is brought up —
Who only speak up when it’s about their sisters —
Who told you you did it to yourself when you got hurt —
Who don’t invite you to hang out anymore
Because you’re not the cool girl anymore
Because you don’t find their brand of misogyny funny anymore.

But they don’t understand how your flesh burns
At the thought of church steeples
And how your mind jolts when a man stands up too fast —
Or when your husband raises his voice in excitement —
Or when the stranger grabs your shoulder —
Because you dropped your wallet
And he’s just trying to be nice.

My body became a war zone for asses
And large masses of know-it-alls
And my brain hosts the riots
That none of them want to attend.
My body feels like a church congregation
Full of dreams and hope and pining
Over the ideal man who no one has ever actually seen.
I’d like to think he exists because
that has been forced upon me every day since birth
But now I’m thinking that woman is ideal and real
and so I pray

“Mother Mary, Full of Grace
Save Me From Thine Son.”

A Man made men in His image
And women from clay or bone
But I am a daughter of Lilith
Condemned for being my own.

Girl, why do you daydream so often?

It’s because nowhere here is home.
Nowhere here is safe zone.
And there’s nowhere else I can be left alone.

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