My excursion to Colorado is coming to a close and I feel the need to write this while these thoughts and feelings are still fresh. The journey out here was a long and complicated one, filled with unexpected bumps in the road. I remained unusually optimistic and relaxed as a result of thinking about seeing the mountains again. To be able to climb one and really see the blue of distance. I somehow have escaped my anxiety for the time being and have been thinking and feeling so clearly. Perhaps it’s the high altitude, being somewhere new, or the amount of weed smoke clouding this city (a joke should anyone need clarification). But I’m leaving here with a lasting impression that I hope sticks with me and perhaps might help some of you.
So here it is: life is far too short to waste it on attempting to make a lot of things work. Of course there are things in this world worth fighting for, but nothing is worth harming your emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing over. So stop trying to look like you did when you were 16. Start eating better foods and be active because it feels good and it’s good for you. Donate the clothing that you’ve been desperately trying to fit into to a good charity. You’ll feel better for it and it won’t haunt you. Stop wasting time trying to like Mozart and Chopin because you’ve been lead to believe classical music/instrumentals will validate your intelligence. It doesn’t. Instead pick up that book you’ve been intending to read or take that trip you’ve been dreaming of and learn something about the world and yourself. Stop trying to plan out your life. Knowing what you want is healthy, but planning out the rest of your life will only lead to disappointments and feelings of failure. You deserve some freedom, even when it’s from yourself. And here is the most important thing. Listen carefully. Let it sink in. For the love of all that is good in this world, please stop trying to make things work with people by waiting around hoping they will change. You are wasting your time waiting for someone else to “become.” But becoming takes time, experiences, and the willingness to do so. You cannot force another being to have the will to change. He is not going to be nicer to you, nor will he open up about his feelings. She is not going to gain a personality you are drawn to or gain the sense of humor you enjoy. Those people you so desperately want to feel closer to and be embraced by? They will not become warmer or more inviting. Please, do yourself a favor, stop trying to change anyone other than yourself. It is not going to happen. Accept that this is a fragment of the blue of distance. You are who you are because of everything you have ever experienced. Your changes are not done in the same manner as others. Understand that you are also a being that others will want to change to better fit their desires and needs. Don’t dwell on this and just “be.”
It all comes down to this: either accept the people in your life and embrace them as they are and for what they have and will become or release your clumsy grasp on them and bid them farewell. There is not enough time.